It is said that seek and you shall find. Whether what you do find is palatable or unpalatable depends on your attitude to truth and the Reality that manifests itself.
Take time periodicaĺly to reflect. So long as the mind is clarified of debris as the mist that clouds your vision, the seeking has achieved its purpose. If the vision is still clouded seek more until the goal of clarity of mind is attained permanently. It does come to some who have a mental condition that Psychiatrists define as paranoid schizophrenia with persistent delusions. This castigation is nothing to be ashamed about for the stigma of the mentality is easily tolerated when one has complete knowledge to be able to handle onself in society. I should know this better than most people having set up Shantanu Panigrahi's Foundation for World Development purporting to know the best theory there is on the internet on 'The Theory of Everything and its Usage at https://thenewclimateformankind.com.